Tuesday, February 25, 2014


mommas & coping skills

ya.. so.. seems to me that when I lost having my mom in my life as my everything and the one I could talk to about ANYTHING and then everything was alright. . I also lost my coping skills.. and unfortunately for me during that same time my mom had a stroke and reincarnated into someone else.. that may have loved me the same ?? knew me the same ?? but couldn't be there the same.. I lost all ability (if I ever had it besides mom telling me 'everything's gonna be alright') to cope with hardships.  And now.. no different. I suffer. I dont know how to deal with shit outta my control.. maybe im not a real man. Maybe suffering is part of life. Mom. I miss u & I need you. You were the only one I could tell any and everything to.. and u seemed to understand and care and give me advice. . Now I have nothing.

Monday, February 24, 2014

the keeney kids


besides living & moving forward. . the in between time consists of preparing. . Preparing for something new.. dreams to come true.. and then occasionally when those dreams come true.. we must prepare for them to come untrue. . Always be prepared.. I hate opening mental doors for exit plans esp when I was prepared for the dream.. but its our instincts that help protect us.. and sometimes its our subconscious & fears.. cant always know the difference but can always be prepared. sure beats downward spiraling. been there done that.... never  again. PrePareD.

been workin on sum arts

my mom & my sisters.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Jacob Junior

My big boy is 9 now
Doin what n all I can.. never enough and we both suffer. . But were solid..


So the good new is for whatever reason o.O macayla and her mom also moved here a few months after I left.. so I see my baby regularly ♥♥♥ of course.. at a price..

just bout 2 years now...

just bout 2 years now since I moved away from Sacramento leaving an awful relationship but also my baby girl Macayla.. been the hardest years of my life coming here with nothin but a beach cruiser and a pickup truck bed of belongings. . A year of renting rooms.. looking for work.. wanting to die.. im alive. .  Again.