Sunday, June 15, 2014

fukt.attempt

dunno how to cry out fer help. my attempt backfired making everything worse. i guess i just want n need to b understood as an individual. i tried to put myself out there. maybe ppl arent aware how.important they Are to me. that i have needs. that a new role developed for them.n my life. maybe the addition of me into someones life is too much. unconditional u said..n i tried it out.. didnt work. still learning how to express myself hoping i figure it out before i crumble into pieces. humans are shitting on me right now.. most insignificant but hold power..another most significant & holds my heart. please dont abuse that power. my heart is scared now. it made a vulnerable effort and got smashed. unsmash. keep trying. n then theres fathers day... fathers day and the build up to it is soooo hard for me. ever since 2006. i dread it. im afraid of it. puts my mind n heart into a confused anxiety ridden world of painful chaos guilt & regret that i only know how to run from. i need a helping hand sometimes.. but when i reach out im only grasping thin air.

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