The mouse been eating this "poison" all day this little brick was a squared cube and the only difference is they give no fuks now like they don't run from me just look at me say hey wassup why are you doing this to me I feel like shit we been roommates for like 4 months then I read that they shit like 50 little pebbles a day (hour???) And eventually the poop will be green like the poison takes a few days but nope this starving ass Somalian Ratatouille MFer already shittin green 🤢😂
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Monday, December 25, 2017
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Saturday, December 16, 2017
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Saturday, December 2, 2017
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
FULL CIRCLE
Full circle
But maybe it's infinite
Discovering new paths that mocks my past delibritely
Parallel, paralysis
Thoughts becoming cancerous
Multiple circles intersecting is blasphemous
Full circle
I stayed I slayed I observed I prayed I dreamed of escapes I learned from mistakes
Heartbreaks.
Handshakes.
Engramtic thoughts with picture perfect memories
Photographic dejavu while we're making history
Takes too lifetimes to completely make a list to see that we can only experience and imagine what already exists mentally
Monday, November 27, 2017
I feel the feels of reality even more fierce
my boredom provoked desire for an escape has just reinfored that im still so bored with life and don't wanna do shit at all not even doing nothing even after I accomplished every goal I thought I had, making more money than ever in my life, home by 10pm Mon thru Friday... Got here and realized it's equally unfulfilling as before. Did I get addicted to the struggle??? Everything seems stupid and pointless and I have no option anymore because I'd be an idiot not to keep on truckin for all I've worked for and it's pretty legit.. So obviously my reality and life are on the same page of a shitty fuckin autobiography with and without alteration.
But is that psychosomatic?????
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Sober seems so hard to do when it fills that hole in you
The older we get- our regrets the shit we choose to live with
Our dreams squashed- giving in to a different life than we thought
Bein sober doesn't fill that hole and I really don't know what does
But being alone does feel great when I'm buzzed
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Monday, November 20, 2017
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
stumbled across a picture from last year I remember this exact moment Thoughts and Emotions Was halfway good
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Thursday, October 19, 2017
yes 'merica the struggle has been real. but im finally at a good place, accomplished some goals..and cant think of anything id change. been so super blessed lately, great confirmation that hard work does pay off..as well as being a good person a being surrounded by good people, doing good things 💙💚💛💜
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Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Monday, September 18, 2017
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
#2012 not much has changed except more ink #sameMFerthatieverwas
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Monday, September 11, 2017
Monday, September 4, 2017
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Working on a day off How else do we get ahead Not by being stagnant
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Thursday, August 31, 2017
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Monday, August 21, 2017
crazy to think that the book that changed my life and has helped me so much I now feel like I can actually question..just like with Dianetics back in 1999-2001. Are these tools only helpful when reclusive? No. They're useful when dealing with humans but definitely not superhumans.
1. Don't take things personal.
2. Be impeccable with your word.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
These four agreements are amazing to live. Y especially when rejecting past agreements made with the universe... But almost on a superficial level because dealing with the superhumans, and "assuming" they're like minded.. it can definitely be taken personal when not given the chance to both be impeccable with your word or do your best while trying not to make assumptions because nothing is taken personal. Trusting instincts can be equivalent to lying to yourself when the ARC triangle (affinity, reality, communication) is not at 180° which when dealing with anyone other than just self-esteem creates a vulnerability. In that there is a trust; Trust: the willingness to be vulnerable. And when there is affinity, reality, communication (ARC) there is trust. And with that responsibility both give and take, it only makes sense to question the four agreements as far as taking things personal when dynamics change because isn't that safer than making an assumption about another? That would be creating 'personal' and here I am impeccable as always being the best version of myself using the tools that have helped the most.. taking things personal while doing my best and trying to trust my bogart instincts while I self destruct wondering how I got here. Superhuman.
I know God understands.
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Monday, August 7, 2017
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Friday, June 16, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
Friday, June 2, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Monday, May 15, 2017
the old me vs. the new me = me
not always tendencies, habits, thought processes, coping skills, triggers, emotions, views..but also and mostly, for me, the old me's actions always catching up to hinder new me. as if i haven't already been through enough self-imposed hardships that somehow i made it thru..making me a stronger wiser person to deal with the ever coming parade of an irresponsible carefree past.
ive always noticed others ways of giving up involves falling back onto their old self..stunting personal growth and using their previous persona as a scapegoat when times her hard. im not planning on doing that...knowing i make better choices in this lifetime that should not ever haunt me and eventually my past mistakes will cease to exist...not to be negative but i am predicting this will happen when i die and maybe that will be living life, full circle.
i am pretty confident that when that time comes i will be ready able capable of any and everything...and maybe that will actually involve "nothing" and knowing myself as well as i do, that will also be unchaotic, boring, unfulfilling..
i try hard I stay positive I am humble I am kind I am loving I am intelligent I am loved I am compassionate I am empathetic and I think life appears alot easier for the ignorant selfish unemotional brain dead sociopaths and sometimes I am envious that my true colors often seem like a weakness more than anything. I am very fortunate and blessed to have so many amazing people in my life which I never had before, I only attracted the opposite and I was fine with that because there was no push or desire or pressure or ever any talk about bettering selves. Being a third through my life now (I'm hoping) has really shown me that I wasted so many years and want to start over..But then I realize I have always felt that way and I have started over many times...And have never officially failed at getting back on my feet for a minute but have never actually "lived" life to its fullest, as much as I have tried, I don't even know what that consists of...or of I'll ever get the opportunity to stop reliving my past mistakes or righting past wrongs..And nowadays not making a bad choice means not making any choice because all I want to do is avoid more hardships which ultimately creates a new, deeper comfort zone that I don't even want and typically reject.
Life is too short and moreso every moment that we're not doing our best... but I think alot of my struggles stem from playing baseball with a football helmet on, writing an autobiography with a pen instead of a pencil and trying to fit the squares into the circle holes. A complete waste of energy. Where does one direct their energy; the 150% they give life that continually returns 5% gratitude? I don't know. Yet.
"It's math" I always say. Life is an equation with different variables trying to find the answer for each unknown. Plug in new variables and compute... And sometimes there is an answer..But it's never absolute.
Maybe it's A thru Z = infinity
But maybe it's 1+1
Li(f)e.
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Sunday, May 7, 2017
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