antisocial networking : 2019

Something I realized is that nobody but two ppl ever loved or cared about me more than I did for myself, healthy or not... And that was at my lowest. The love I give is greater than simple acceptance but also nurturing and supporting the best version of them, always..friend, romantic, etc.. I've always felt some things about myself I need to be saved from, by another.. but this way I love also pushes ppl away that cannot accept themselves even if it's crucial to growth, and possibly not trusting my acceptance and non judgement. Basically ppl r not ready for me, ever... Is what I hear or am told. But the right ppl are, and i have an amazing circle of humans I share love understanding compassion intimacy and authenticness with...so I know more will come especially one in the form of a cute loving female, which I been working on for a couple years 😛 and we r close to establishing something together, based on all these mentioned dynamics and ways of living and loving. Cuz I wouldn't otherwise..and to have a dreamy beautiful dreamwoman feel the same ways... Unbelievable. It's taught me patience and more respect for the flown of the universe than ever before... and only time will tell as an almost 40 year old if I can truly trust my instincts and heart after years of self help and growth....but I am ready to be completely devastated altho I welcome the opposite as well...but I'm ready.