Tuesday, January 29, 2019


I've accepted, after realizing and trial n erroring.. that for the most part, I am the friend. I have very few. It's not mutual, based on my own definition. You know, when you're asked for advice or help but never how you're doing.. 

Let's not get confused with social media, of all aspects. That's not even a factor here. Irrelevant. Adulting sucks, being honest with yourself.. realizing most people are at least semi egotistical and narcissistic but also quick to be a naysayer if you bring this subject up.. I'm fine. Thanks for not asking 😂 but let me stop everything to be your life coach mr inspirational provider so you can ultimately,be your own worst enemy. 

I can't fuck with those kinda people anymore. Is this why I'm alone so much? Because they're the majority? Not pity partying about"who actually cares about me" but the truth is .........it'll always and only ever be YOU. If you allow someone t care about you more than you care about yourself- you're wrong. You're needy and codependent. That's not for me. I'm not a captain and I wear no cape... I cannot save myself from myself as of now.. I can't practice what I preach in entirety. But I won't sell my soul or fill a void with artificial temporary "friends" either. 

It's easy to be a friend. Comes natural. Is that because I give and project what I desire? Does that make the majority really that selfish if I don't feel reciprocation or does that make me them....needy and selfish. 

Beats me. But I will probably keep giving otherwise I'm the asshole. Because people take things personal. Few are those that are ready to grow but I cannot dwindle in my own efforts. 

Sunday, January 27, 2019

9 months

It's been 9 months since I deployed Google Adsense on a few of my websites and with minimal effort, I should be receiving my first $100 check from Google. This is just the beginning. 

Almost 39.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019


Older I get the more filling the void of my youth feels hella legit, more appreciative now than if I ever had what I wanted as a kid. #90sbaby #spizike 

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Significant Other Efforts

My entire adult life until about 2012 (32 years) every relationship I was in was an accident, I didn't mean to choose the person..was based on low self esteem low self worth accidentally knocking them up.. and since then every single female I pursued initially based on attraction has turned out to be not even compatible as a friend for me. Ultimately not my type of human to be around at all EVER 😂
It's almost frustrating having an over abundance pursue me but I deflect because I want to choose and not be chosen (cuz typically they chose based on superficial things and not who I am as a person)
I've given a few a chance typically.lasts two weeks and I always have to make a decision to cut them loose... because I realize after some period of ??? Is over, from there it's "trying" to be compatible and accepting things etc etc and I'd rather not. Because I believe in true love and a perfect match (even if she lives a couple hours away) and one should not have to try that hard to make something or force something that's supposed to be special and sacred. Weird shit. Good thing I have my cat (who's been an asshole lately) and only now only desire and value meaningfulness. Which can be lonely but only when you lose sight. It's too easy to sell out but at this age (38.75) I've already learned NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY altho actually I think sublime taught me that <3

Friday, January 4, 2019

Painted these

Rly awesome and cheap Bluetooth headphones, with mic and sd card slot, etc.. used the plastidip Galaxy paint and they came out decent lol