Sunday, January 6, 2019

Significant Other Efforts

My entire adult life until about 2012 (32 years) every relationship I was in was an accident, I didn't mean to choose the person..was based on low self esteem low self worth accidentally knocking them up.. and since then every single female I pursued initially based on attraction has turned out to be not even compatible as a friend for me. Ultimately not my type of human to be around at all EVER 😂
It's almost frustrating having an over abundance pursue me but I deflect because I want to choose and not be chosen (cuz typically they chose based on superficial things and not who I am as a person)
I've given a few a chance typically.lasts two weeks and I always have to make a decision to cut them loose... because I realize after some period of ??? Is over, from there it's "trying" to be compatible and accepting things etc etc and I'd rather not. Because I believe in true love and a perfect match (even if she lives a couple hours away) and one should not have to try that hard to make something or force something that's supposed to be special and sacred. Weird shit. Good thing I have my cat (who's been an asshole lately) and only now only desire and value meaningfulness. Which can be lonely but only when you lose sight. It's too easy to sell out but at this age (38.75) I've already learned NOTHING GOOD COMES EASILY altho actually I think sublime taught me that <3

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